I had to make sure that I looked completely ready.I knew that my make-up was on point, I had to get that done, because I have no mirrors nearby.But I could always make some final few adjustments to my boobs. My boobs… ‘just thinking that made me squirm. For a brief moment I considered opening the door of the car and jumping out, but my desire for survival overrode that instinct. I had to get through with this. It was that simple.I no longer needed wigs. This is all my own hair. Sure, it’s been bleached and I’ve had it styled to make me look like a woman. I’m not a woman, of course. But I had to think of myself as a woman. I had to silence that male voice, I can’t start doubting myself now. “I’m a woman,”I whispered to myself. “I’m a woman.” l repeated that mantra to myself. I had to forget about my previous life. The life of a gambler who owes a debt to the mob. I needed to disappear, or else they’d break my bones and throw me into the river. There’d be no questions asked, and in my old life I had no-one that cared for me. The funny thing is that the new me actually have lots of friends. If I didn’t have these tits on my chest, then maybe I could even call myself happy. In any case, I know that I need to become a man again. This whole charade has gone on for too long, and I know that because I’m not even fazed by it any more. I’ve stopped caring, and I’ve stopped worrying when I go outside in a skirt.
I don’t feel as if people are staring at me any more, at least not for the same reasons. They do leer at me now.So, what I am going to do is marry this old geezer I met while working at the casino as one of their pretty waitresses. He’s probably in his sixties, but I know he ain’t got no family and that he’s rich. Filthy rich. And being old, he’s gonna die soon, so that money will go to me. I don’t love him, of course not, and I certainly don’t want to be a bride, but this is all for the money. When I have the money then I can pay back the mob and use the rest to make myself look manly again.I can remove the tits through surgery. No problem. It’s gonna be harder to reverse the facial surgeries, though. The doctors did a good job in making my face look softer and more feminine. I’ll have to work my way around that fact. Maybe I’d get a beard… .but I can’t grow one any more so it will have to be a fake beard. And the hormones are supposed to be reversible, but I’ve been told that I’ve taken far bigger doses than I should have if I wanted to look like a man ever again. Maybe it’ll be hard, but I will have enough money to pay whatever doctors I need to just get it done. I am sure I can make my shrunken little penis look at least average with the right meds.But, I shouldn’t get bogged down in all those thoughts. That’s for future me to take care of. Now I can’t get distracted. Once I have the money, the world will be mine. I need to make sure that I can make a good impression. To do that I need to convince myself that I am a woman. I am a woman…I am the perfect woman.I’m a woman,”I whispered to myself. “I’m a woman.”