Confused !!

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No… I cannot possibly think he is hot. Like. No. That’s impossible. Sure, it is possible for one guy to find another guy hot. But I wouldn’t. I am not gay. If I was gay, that’d be fine, but I am not. I am definitely not attracted to James. But y’know, if I was gay, then maybe I would be attracted to him. He’s a good and handsome guy. One of the most attractive men I have ever seen. He’s tall, he’s got strong hands, he’s got a rugged bit of stubble..Ugh! It’s these damn hormones in my body. They’re making me… all boy-crazy and whatever. But I am not gay, I swear. I just need to get over this particular phase, then I’Il forget about boys. I do not find my roommate to be hot, James is just my friend. We’re not a couple.So what if we spend nearly all of our time together? So what if he has been unexpectedly supportive of my ‘transition?’ He knows that I am only an occasional crossdresser, and that I just wanted a body that fits my cute clothes better. I am still very much a normal heterosexual man. I mean, okay, that sounds a little silly I admit it. A normal heterosexual man wouldn’t start taking hormones to look more feminine, but really, I am not a woman just ’cause I have wide hips and growing tits. And even if I was a woman, then I’d be a lesbian woman. I’m pretty sure..But then… last night. We stayed up late watching that silly and old black-and-white movie. It had lots of stupid melodrama and all the women wore these gorgeous long dresses. I just got entranced, I guess. Me and James we ended up… uhm, ‘snuggling.’ I dunno, it was late at night and I had spent the whole day working. I just liked lying there next to him. I might have enjoyed putting my head on his chest. I might have enjoyed it when he put his arms around me and briefly touched my breast. I may have wanted him to touch me there again. But I am not interested in men just ’cause I wanted him to make love to me.Of course I didn’t want him to make love to me! That was just.. I didn’t mean it like that. We’re best friends, not lovers. So what if he gives me gifts sometimes, and so what if he makes breakfast for me each morning and makes little cute pancakes shaped like hearts for me… We’re not a couple, and I am definitely not gay.Let me put it this way, if I am a woman, and I find James to be attractive, then that isn’t gay, right? That would def be something a straight woman would think. So, there’s nothing gay if I ask James to hug me and kiss me and fondle me… I am still as straight as before, just a different kind of straight.Ugh.. these damn hormones. They’re making me into such a girl.

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